A long time gone. Nearly two months since I’ve written here. Nearly as long since I’ve written anything. I hate good intentions. It seems that most of my good intentions fail. Can you tell that I’m feeling down and unfulfilled? My own fault. What is it people say these days? My bad. Mea culpa. Whatever.
The past three weeks have been a bit lacking in peace and rest due to the addition to the family of a kitten. Max, or as we sometimes call him Mad Max or Bad Max, is about 3 months old and just an active kitten. He isn’t really bad, except that he likes to chew on things. Our older cat, Girlie, has accepted him better than we expected. They play together and get rough sometimes, but usually they are good playmates. I’m wondering how things will go when we decide to let Max stay out all night. Now we put him in the big bathroom at night with food, water, and litter. Otherwise he’s usually loose in the house along with Girlie. Time will tell. I think this will be a fun adventure – someday after I’ve gotten enough real rest.
I’m sad today. My get up and go has gone. I have so many things I want to do with my life (what’s left of it), but there’s just no time, and I’m too lazy to get anything done. Instead of choosing one thing and getting it done, I end up with getting nothing done. My energy level has dropped. I’m slightly anemic again, and my thyroid meds are being reset by my doctor, so perhaps those two things have a hand in this mood and feeling lately. I just want to weep today. I have so many things flitting up there in my brain, and yet I can’t focus on any one thing.
I’ve tried for two weeks to get critiques done for my two very patient critique partners. Both of them have busy lives, and say they expect a critique only when I can get to it. But I’m feeling much the failure as a critique partner. They both have completed mss, and I have only bits and pieces of old writings. NOTHING new. Nothing. I seem incapable of thinking a new novel thought, much less creating a story. My whole world seems to revolve around the cats and my health lately.
And yes, I do spend way too much time online and in chat rooms. I wish I could break my addiction to the chat rooms. But I love going there. I also spend way way too much time surfing the net. My mind flies from one thing to another, and each new thing brings with it questions and curiosity, so I’ll google something… and I’m off again! New things to learn about! Or perhaps it’s just new ways to waste my time. New ways to spend the time I have left on this plane.
I think having just the truck is getting me down, as well. For over a year now, we’ve only had the pickup truck. I sold my car, and now when I need to go somewhere, Jim is left without transportation, and vice versa. I really miss my outings. My LONE outings. And I used to take small trips alone. I would go do some genealogical research or just get away about once a year. Only three or four days, but just the driving wherever by myself would be regenerating to my spirit. My last trip away by myself was to Kentucky. I took small country highways that I’d never driven before and spent a wonderful three days just doing whatever or nothing at all. I pray that we will be financially able to purchase a second vehicle soon after the new year.
My hair is letting me down lately. I can laugh and explain it away by saying that I have my mother’s hair – thin and straight – but the fact is I just don’t want to take much time with trying to make it look presentable. I need a good haircut, but that isn’t the whole story. Perhaps it’s time to find a carefree style that I won’t have to do much with. Whatever happened to those old curly perms that you simply washed and shook out??? Any chance they might come back in style? LOL
There are still at least half a dozen boxes to go through and unpack since the move. I emptied several last Saturday. I can’t believe how many boxes of folders with my old writings in them. I’ve bought some of those open plastic file containers to house them all. But now where do I house the file containers? This house is so much larger than the house where we’ll retire in a few years. How will I ever manage to find space in that little cottage? I guess I will have to bite the bullet and throw out reams and reams of crap writing. That doesn’t sound as bad as it once did. Perhaps I’ll actually be able to part with all that crap.
Enough for now. I’ve written out my frustrations for the time being. Perhaps by clearing out this stuff from my pent-up insides, I will be able to find a good mood for the evening. We’re going over to the Country Village with a couple from El Dorado, two preachers, man and wife who share a charge. At least I won’t have to feel guilty about not cooking.
Later, y’all!
