Spring is here!

Hello, again!

A long time ago I resolved to blog here regularly, but like many good intentions, my resolution went straight out the window after a while. Now I’m back, and trying to set down some thoughts and ideas for myself. Yes, for myself. It would be arrogant of me to think anyone else would read these words, and in truth, I need this for myself more than for sharing with anyone.

Since the post about my stepmother’s murder last year, so much has happened. Another death, my own mother, in December. Of cancer. And now my dear husband has cancer himself. Other than those two very life-changing events, nothing much has changed. The march of time has kept me aging, and the emerging of more aches and pains is testimony to that unrelenting path toward senility.

So, on a happier note. Even though Jim will be facing chemo in a couple of weeks, his own battle with cancer just starting, I feel optimistic of the future. So many loving people has instilled in me the faith that things will be okay. No matter what happens, things will be as they will be. It’s not in my hands.

Now I’m off to the first item on my list for today (lists! another topic for another day!). Take care, y’all. And remember… no matter who you are, someone loves you.

Curious Lady

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

I love waking up to the smell of coffee brewing. I’ve missed that this week while my husband has been out of town. This week I’ve had to get up and make the coffee, rather than reaping the pleasure from having it brewing when I awake. Miss you, Jim. Hurry home. 

Autumn is glorious this year in south central Arkansas. Or is it every year? Maybe I’m succeeding at last in living in the moment because I can’t imagine any time this sweet.

Aches and pains and frustrations still abound, but that’s life.

I’m talking here about waking up to a bright new day and finding that all is right with the world.

I know there is much wrong in this world. Not much I can do other than what I do now to help that. My meager contributions and work with raising money and awareness of the needs of those unfortunate in this world doesn’t seem much, but it’s more than I have done in the past.

Despite my recent blues, deep inside I am content. My children and grandchildren all thrive and live active and happy lives. My mother and I are existing in a peace we’ve never known before. My husband is busy, healthy and living his most fulfilled life ever. All is truly right in my world.

Thank you, God.

This morning I awoke with the joy of knowing that two friends slept in our guest rooms. Neither are early morning people, so I knew I’d have time for coffee and a few words here before either stirred. I was right.  Though they’ll be traveling home later this morning, I look forward to the few hours left in our visit.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Famous or infamous words, there. This morning I feel the sentiment of them deeply.

Later, y’all!

I’m Not Lisa

Two nights now I’ve had good solid sleep, thanks to my husband, who babysat the cats. I went to a guest room and shut the door. Thank you!!

Does anyone else get this dread feeling in the pit of their stomachs sometimes — a feeling that something bad is about to happen and there’s nothing you can do to stop it? That’s been me for a few days. It’s an uncertainty, a dread, a feeling of unease and secret fear.

I think maybe it stems from knowing that I can’t please everyone. I tried for a while, but now I am too tired to keep trying. I knew going in that I would disappoint some. No, I’m not “her” — I’m me. Funny how people expect you to be just like your predecessor.  I keep thinking of the song by Jessie Colter, I’m Not Lisa. Here are the lyrics:

I’m not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won’t leave you
‘Til the sunlight has touched your face

She was your morning light
Her smile told of no night
Your love for her grew
With each rising sun

And then one winter day
His hand led hers away
She left you here drowning in your tears, here
Where you’ve stayed for years
Crying Lisa, Lisa

I’m not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won’t leave you
‘Til the sunlight shines through your face

I’m not Lisa

Those are haunting lyrics. Clearly they’re meant for a lover. But they fit, as well, for my situation. In an odd way, I’ve been trying to be “Lisa” and it hasn’t worked. Now I have to let myself be “Julie” — just Me.

Too bad that we can’t read deeply into other people’s thoughts. Or maybe it’s good that we can’t. I guess most of us have thoughts without even realizing that they are so deep and private that we hide them. It isn’t a deliberate deception; it’s simply the way humans think and guard that part of themselves.

If this is what two good nights of sleep do for me, I’m in trouble! LOL

Take care, everyone. Have a good day.

Later, y’all!

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