Two nights now I’ve had good solid sleep, thanks to my husband, who babysat the cats. I went to a guest room and shut the door. Thank you!!
Does anyone else get this dread feeling in the pit of their stomachs sometimes — a feeling that something bad is about to happen and there’s nothing you can do to stop it? That’s been me for a few days. It’s an uncertainty, a dread, a feeling of unease and secret fear.
I think maybe it stems from knowing that I can’t please everyone. I tried for a while, but now I am too tired to keep trying. I knew going in that I would disappoint some. No, I’m not “her” — I’m me. Funny how people expect you to be just like your predecessor. I keep thinking of the song by Jessie Colter, I’m Not Lisa. Here are the lyrics:
I’m not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won’t leave you
‘Til the sunlight has touched your face
She was your morning light
Her smile told of no night
Your love for her grew
With each rising sun
And then one winter day
His hand led hers away
She left you here drowning in your tears, here
Where you’ve stayed for years
Crying Lisa, Lisa
I’m not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won’t leave you
‘Til the sunlight shines through your face
I’m not Lisa
Those are haunting lyrics. Clearly they’re meant for a lover. But they fit, as well, for my situation. In an odd way, I’ve been trying to be “Lisa” and it hasn’t worked. Now I have to let myself be “Julie” — just Me.
Too bad that we can’t read deeply into other people’s thoughts. Or maybe it’s good that we can’t. I guess most of us have thoughts without even realizing that they are so deep and private that we hide them. It isn’t a deliberate deception; it’s simply the way humans think and guard that part of themselves.
If this is what two good nights of sleep do for me, I’m in trouble! LOL
Take care, everyone. Have a good day.
Later, y’all!
2 responses so far ↓
Kim Wright // October 17, 2007 at 6:20 am
Max is simply the cutest kitten I’ve seen in forever! Wow, I remember what is was like when JuJu was an inside cat and we brought Frida home! Nightmare of nightmares, but they eventually got used to each other and kept us up all hours of the night playing. Now, JuJu is an outside cat, and Frida has run off. I knew it would happen sooner or later, as she was a Manx, and we agreed to take her in when our friends moved back to Hawaii, and for some reason or another, a Manx just can’t be a “pet”!
Then, when we brought Tracker home, I thought Bella was going to have a breakdown. But, once again, all is well on the home front, as it will be for you and Jim as well!
Keep your chin up missy, your in my prayers daily!!! Have you tried keeping a journal? If not, give it a go! Write down your thoughts or better yet, do what I do, and get yourself some cheapy paints from the craft store and just play! It really does help!!!! I know from experience!!
Carol Anne // October 17, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Thanks, Kim. The cats were better last night. They sleep all over me, but at least they slept and waited until after 6 a.m. to become playful.
I’ve tried journaling, and found it only frustrating at times. I think I’ll just go back to my quilting. That always makes me feel better. Your mom and dad raised a pretty smart and compassionate woman.
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