Two nights now I’ve had good solid sleep, thanks to my husband, who babysat the cats. I went to a guest room and shut the door. Thank you!!
Does anyone else get this dread feeling in the pit of their stomachs sometimes — a feeling that something bad is about to happen and there’s nothing you can do to stop it? That’s been me for a few days. It’s an uncertainty, a dread, a feeling of unease and secret fear.
I think maybe it stems from knowing that I can’t please everyone. I tried for a while, but now I am too tired to keep trying. I knew going in that I would disappoint some. No, I’m not “her” — I’m me. Funny how people expect you to be just like your predecessor. I keep thinking of the song by Jessie Colter, I’m Not Lisa. Here are the lyrics:
I’m not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won’t leave you
‘Til the sunlight has touched your face
She was your morning light
Her smile told of no night
Your love for her grew
With each rising sun
And then one winter day
His hand led hers away
She left you here drowning in your tears, here
Where you’ve stayed for years
Crying Lisa, Lisa
I’m not Lisa, my name is Julie
Lisa left you years ago
My eyes are not blue
But mine won’t leave you
‘Til the sunlight shines through your face
I’m not Lisa
Those are haunting lyrics. Clearly they’re meant for a lover. But they fit, as well, for my situation. In an odd way, I’ve been trying to be “Lisa” and it hasn’t worked. Now I have to let myself be “Julie” — just Me.
Too bad that we can’t read deeply into other people’s thoughts. Or maybe it’s good that we can’t. I guess most of us have thoughts without even realizing that they are so deep and private that we hide them. It isn’t a deliberate deception; it’s simply the way humans think and guard that part of themselves.
If this is what two good nights of sleep do for me, I’m in trouble! LOL
Take care, everyone. Have a good day.
Later, y’all!
